Welcome to the table, friend
Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew’s house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus’ followers. “What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?”
Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.”
Matthew 9:10-13 The Message (MSG)
Welcome to Living Free with Bipolar, a home for those of us who are just a little too gritty for the trite, clean lines religion wants to draw down the middle of our faulty hearts. Together, one bleeding, joyful day at a time, let’s find a way to live a full life, a free life, a hopeful life . . . abundantly more than just a perfect life. Allow me to tell you the story of how a straight-A good girl morphs into a mental patient who can’t shave her legs without a chaperone, and how a broken-hearted mama finds redemption in loving a broken-hearted child.
I have been swallowing lithium every morning and night for thirteen years in an attempt to find stable, learning achingly slowly that a diagnosis does not diminish my capacity to serve this world for good. Grace comes to me through spilt blood alone, from a Jesus I professed to follow but never understood until I split rock bottom, splintered clean out, needing more than a new banner and a perfect score card to fix me. Jesus speaks to me and to you in John 15: I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. And I know I am grafted to Him through his own doing and nothing of my own. Through this spectacular connection, I am given daughter rights. I rise up with a new banner stained in His salvific blood and cry, If He can do this for me, what will he do for you?
What will He do for you, friend? Let’s discover it here together. Let’s write in between the lines of our humanity and sweat out our fears; let’s lay it down deep in our shadow valleys and endless wastelands. Let’s believe that our lives and souls are meant for more than clean lines. Let’s live out our nitty-gritties and find His twisted bliss. ‘Cause it’s all twisted back and forwards again, but I live one fantastic, brag-worthy tale of grace right here on Red Vine. This daughter’s got a nitty-gritty resurrection story to tell. And I’d love to hear yours.
Welcome to the table.
Humbly,
Taylor
18 Comments
Darlene Wendlick
Greetings Taylor…..trust your holiday preparations are under way! Want you to know how much I enjoy Red Vine Spirituality! I am on my way to the Christian Book Store for some last minute gifts and I was
wondering if you could share the name of the journal you read each morning? I trust your recommendation. God bless you and your beautiful family!! Darlene Wendlick
Taylor Arthur
HI, Darlene! I am so sorry to get back to you so late. We have been in Portland for Jack’s Grandma’s funeral . . . I read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young every morning, and at Christmas I read The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp. I also got Ann Voskamp’s family version of The Greatest Gift, which is Unwrapping the Greatest Gift, and it is a beautiful book for families to read together. My kids were a little young for it this year, but it’s so beautifully done, adults, teenagers, and younger would love it. I hope this helps! Happy Christmas! Love, Taylor
Gail Poll
Taylor, I enjoyed your blog called, “When You Need a New Prayer.” I have had some tough times too. Learning to trust God through all the trials that life can bring isn’t always pleasant. God has taught me that I can still experience joy despite the pain in my life. I learned that since joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit, I could ask God to give it to me, even though my heart had so many different things that hurt me deeply. He did indeed do that for me and I began to heal, although not everything became “just fine”.
The journey to get to that place can be hard and dark (I have had recurring depression, but have been helped with medications), but He is loving and gracious enough to hold us up no matter how much we doubt that what we are going through could have any blessing.
We have a 26yrs old son who was born with CHD. He had Transposition of the Great Arteries, and a Bicuspid Aortic valve. He had his repair when he was 5 days old, but had a major heart attack after the surgery. The pediatric cardiologist we went to was very pessimistic and I worried for weeks after every checkup. He is now almost 27 and he is doing great and can even run a half marathon! He is doing very well now!
Our youngest (Sam 23yrs old) has been ill with mental illness since he was 8 yrs old. He has treatment resistant major depression, generalized anxiety disorder and sensory processing disorder. This journey is far from over, because he has been homebound for so many years. He is making very little progress, but we are thrilled to see even small steps forward. He is an amazing young man who is kind, caring and very interesting. He also has dreams for his future and wants to get well and go to college.
He is our hero!
In January I lost my precious sister (we were 17mos apart and close) from liver disease. I have now lost my entire birth family at the age of 61. I lost all three of my sisters at a young age (my youngest sister to suicide at age 28).
Sometimes I look at all this and wonder how I have made it through. I know for a fact that without God’s love and grace I would not have been able to. All the stress has brought me several chronic illnesses, but I am doing better.
This month myself and 2 others have started a support group at our church for people dealing with mental illness, and for people support them. I am excited to be able to participate in something positive regarding mental illness. I am trusting God to use our new group to bless others.
May God’s grace and peace be with you!
Taylor Arthur
Gail, Thank you so much for your words. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and losses. I am amazed at your joyful spirit in spite of so many difficulties. God’s love is so evident in the way you continue on. I pray your support group grows and flourishes! We need more Christians getting together and supporting each other in this so-often shamed struggle. God bless you!